Now maybe its just me, but I would think any woman would be absolutely thrilled to see her husband follow through with a promise, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. They can force you to question your love and your marriage. Start by making your husband aware of your feelings before taking other steps. My story : . As for being totally unaware of the current state of her MILs condition before they moved in? Somewhere along the way, this influenced you to have a dysfunctional view on relationships. If hes willing to throw away a promise to his mother just because things are difficult now, what makes you think he wouldnt do the same to you? There is a picture of myself and my grandma when I was about 4, so right after her stroke, and we are baking and placing M&Ms on some cookies about to go in the oven. It does not have to be living with her. Nicole But not wanting her anywhere near them ever doesnt seem like a good solution. Apparently she moved in with their dad when he left. It sounds like they are all (MIL included) living in pretty shitty conditions. Go right back to when you used to love your husband. I really think they should move out and rent awhile and find an alternative way to take care of the MIL. June 18, 2015, 9:44 am. The wives of covert narcissist husbands may feel a withering contempt wrapped up in a superficial long-suffering or "helpful" demeanor. I dont hate my MIL but we will never be close. It isnt such a big deal, but the way she mentions it its like she flipped out about it. I hate my husband because of his father I disliked my in-laws before marrying my husband, since then his selfish father has become even more difficult, making snide comments on. Now that you know why you hate your husband, it is best to know ways to stop it. I agree that it is too much to handle, but her solution isnt the right one. I was thinking the same about the honey thing. June 18, 2015, 10:57 am. Had she never visited her? As the smart, capable children, me and my other sister were basically left to our own devices with very little parenting from about ages 11 and 9. One such situation might make you say, I hate my husband. The first step to solving this problem is knowing why you cant see eye-to-eye with your spouse. Youll need to come up for a plan for the next ten years about how youll plan to continue to help your mother in law with her care, and what your game plan is as a family. No matter how much you love your spouse, there will be days when you hate their guts. 17 Signs Your Husband Hates You 1. Last night I screamed in frustration and agony from the stupidity of the argument and the overwhelming hurt and loneliness of my feelings. Many wives say, Sometimes I hate my husband. The reason is that their husband stopped paying attention to them. Maybe next time fucking wait till you have your shit together? Before, you considered each others blemishes, and you werent judgmental. June 18, 2015, 10:36 am. Same advice as to what she should do, but different tone. Id say, yeah, she needs to run like hell and find her own place before she burns the place down cause shes walked off and left the stove on with food cooking on it. It wont make him change, and guess what? April 1, 2017, 12:51 pm. You dont get to complain about the free place youve been crashing in for however many months, no matter how much deep cleaning you had to do to make it livable. Gah, absolutely everything you described thats currently happening is almost word for word post-stroke symptoms. Keeping a promise and caring for another these things sound great on paper. Skyblossom Maybe this means finding a duplex so people can have their own space, or helping MIL downsize to a place that is far more manageable and she can afford a cleaner once or twice a week. She definitely needs to be called on that. Also, my entire job is trying to mitigate or prevent the self-neglect you describe. You might say, I hate my husband, because he has hurt you a lot in the past. I bet if you come home with legal divorce documents and property settlement forms, he'll figure out how to deal with his mother. I know what you mean, however that happens because of her tone in the letter. No one had medical training either so that made it extra difficult. Clearly, she does not seem capable of living alone without some care. Even if youre overwhelmed and exhausted and hormonal and emotionally drained, the answer is still yeah, its wrong to abandon a loved one who needs care (especially when you no longer need anything from him/her) just because its inconvenient. When you approach this you HAVE to have some empathy. May 9, 2022 by by Having a selfish husband means being stuck with stunted communication in your marriage. My mom put whiskey on my gums. I know its tempting to ask how the hell did LW get herself into this situation?, but the more important question is how to get out of it. I think there is room for a grain of salt here in how we judge the LW. The issue isnt about hating your partner. Hiring a maid or part time help. But she married her husband and he comes with her mother. Its really not that hard. So, get your own place. Whenever she asks us to do something she always says, Whenever you get the chance, doesnt have to be right now. Yet, if the request isnt fulfilled shortly after, she gets pissy. Seriously. But who among us isnt? Marriage is full of ups and downs, and you might have forgotten each other as you navigate life. However, its just for a short while. He needs to adequately defend their needs and manage boundaries. The husband has a responsibility to both children to keep them safe, and that includes not allowing his mother to harm them, even if unintentionally. am i projecting like a mfer? One way to stop hating is to forgive them so that you can heal. That contributes to your extreme hatred for your husband. I feel like we need to try harder to see all sides here. June 18, 2015, 10:49 am, honeybeenicki However, you will stop hating your husband when you acknowledge your role in the situation. Was she not in touch with the woman? Its really easy to theorize what it is like taking care of a wacko (through no fault of their own). You might hate your husband because he prioritizes only himself. Dear Wendy bricklink greef karga. You may have your husband because there are underlying differences you refused to settle. Or is he open to other ideas that wouldnt require your family live with her but instead using some of Wendys ideas? We don't see mil very often for many reasons. From time immemorial, we hear more awful marriage experiences than good ones. Its not easy, but its necessary. If they moved in with his mom because they were always planning to buy a house with her and care for her and a medical discharge just pushed everything to happen faster, that is more understandable. It will complicate your marriage more. honeybeenicki Nobody has said that she has an easy life, all of us understood she is having a hard time, but, I dont know, just her tone and the way she talks about the woman whos helped her and plans to ditch her, makes me feel like she is really entitled. by recognizing they are different from you through their opinions, experiences, and values. Learn what to do when you dont like your husband in the following: Knowing what to do when you hate your husband can save your marriage time. They can come several times a week and help the MIL take a bath, wash her hair and change clothes. And you really need to discuss with your husband how he can fulfill his promise to take care of his mother without sacrificing your nuclear familys safety and comfort. Wouldnt you want the same or is everything supposed to benefit you in some way? It can pave the way for a better relationship. Keep up the good work! Wow, well I do think this response is pretty harsh. The situation of her living alone, in her house, should be remedied. We will present possible reasons why some wives hate their husbands and solutions for the same. I'm laying in bed with our baby and am shaking from anger. Im now realizing that I misunderstood the promise of LWs husband when I read this earlier and replied. Hate my husband. In fact, someone else may be a far better option. We made long-term goals together like engagement, marriage, kids, the whole 9. My point: not all families or bonds are the same.) My husband is wonderful but he seems to believe that since his mother is willing to pay part of the bills when we buy a house that she is needed. Hey, drama queen, I think you dropped your tiara. I was simply upset because my baby was crying. can help resolve some of the tension between you and your partner. Of course its not a good idea to leave knives sitting out, especially with a child in the home but even if she ran right into the blade of a loose knife, it would have just slid over or gotten knocked off the counter. Why do I hate my husband? He doesn't work on the relationship. Well how nice of you to presume to know that about me. How? She cant be left alone with a baby, not even holding a baby while the parent walks into the next room. It could be sitting down with her and going over finances and researching programs she could apply for to help pay for this kind of care (and even contributing to that care if one is in a financial position to do so). Now that we have a toddler Ive really had to remind my husband about it. And I wasnt even the primary care giver! Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?. LW, presumably your husband was fulfilling his promise sufficiently to take care of his mother before you all moved in with her so what steps can you take to get back to that status quo? Ill graduate in a few days and have been applying to jobs that will hopefully hire me shortly after my baby is born so that we wont need any of her finances. However, only attentive partners will care to ask what their partners think. 7) You Have a Dysfunctional Idea Of What a Marriage Should Be. June 18, 2015, 10:07 am. LW Ive been trying to come up with a compassionate response all morning. Certain events can jerk us back to reality when you find out your soulmate is flawed and imperfect. My apologies for my careless reading and commenting. Whether you choose to keep him with his new found spine, is up to you. You dont write four paragraphs about how terrible you think she is. Still, it's important not to bad mouth or criticize your in-laws to your spouse. They feel they are just protecting their vulnerable child, with little awareness of the effect it has had on me and other sis. She certainly isn't. But she goes after him constantly, every conversation and every visit. TaraMonster She needs professional care. But before all the commenters go on parade, I will say I can feel from where this letter writer is coming from. We've been together for 16 years and married 14 years. I havent cared for an in-law but I have lived with someone in hospice care who could no longer take care of themselves long term. Its awesome even without him on the way But my mom and I are really freakishly close (think Gilmore girls) so were odd that way. Speaking of whichwho among you plans to hold your adult child to a promise made when they were younger and living a different situation? Because if so, wasnt she stewing in her own filth then too? Sunshine Brite What does it mean to. I loved this response! I want to point out how rich it is that LWs FIL is lecturing HER about broken promisesisnt he the one that married MIL and made a vow before God to take care of her in sickness and in health? Now If they moved in because he chooses not work right now and they thought it would be easy to just have a free place to crash and that the MIL would be an, easy convenient baby sitter for their kids, then that is something else. I dont know the details of this promise your husband made, but to me, caring for someone can be accomplished in numerous ways. In addition, she has fallen asleep with candles still lit, and left knives on the counter (I almost impaled my pregnant belly on one!). You fight over the most trivial thing and give no room for mistakes. Research on narcissistic personality disorder would somewhat support this strategy. And it is very easy to assume one can imagine what it takes to care for someone. 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