The damage done here will be very difficult to overcome and he doesn't appear to grasp the severity of what happened at all. I struggled with a lot of jealousy over it- which from everything I've read is very normal- but for the most part, that has subsided. A hit is a clenched fist. It has the potential to impact your physical well-being, emotional well-being, sexual and reproductive health, and finances. Just because he is a man doesn't mean it's ok to hit him. SwatTeamLeader, September 23, 2022, By For more information, please read our. By It can kill someone. Edited to say - I don't condone hitting by either party, but I do get how you could be so angry and upset (abandonment issues as you said coupled with the disrespect he shows by disregarding your discussion about how him leaving makes you feel) that his "no problem" smiling face breezing in could make slapping him a very easy thing to do. Like, we were acting as if the hours before hadn't happened. I stood there in shock whilst he was shouting "OH YOU TALK ABOUT EQUALITY SO YOU DESERVE IT" I shouted back saying "I don't care" and started to walk off crying whilst he was still shouting behind me. The first thing that Susan decided to do was to write a long letter and apologies to Jimmy. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. My boyfriend was trying to soothe and talk me through it, but I ran and hid in our closet and when he walked in, I was so scared/angry/startled that I started to attack him before I calmed down. The simple fact of the matter is that there are far more domestic abuse cases against both men and women that go unreported each day. He accepts responsibility for that situation. Is it OK to slap my boyfriend? Getting an ex back after you have misbehaved yourself and dumped him can become very complicated. One in every four women experiencessevere intimate physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking in the United States. Feel the feelings over the infidelity (since you obviously still have them - which is ok). She wanted to give Jimmy the space he needed to recover from what she had done.. She said the reason she reacted like this was she adored him and could not accept that he was frequenting another woman. We have talked about it, he's aware of how it makes me feel but has continued to do it. Staying with him means accepting the ugliness. Even if that's not the case, this is a non-workable situation. How do you rebuild trust if you hurt someone? Elderly man grabbed my ass on the subway today. I told him that i want to forgive him but i can't right now.Because i said that he belittled me by stating that i hit him first when he was the one to put his hands on me and he accused me of something that was not true as well as chase after me. My boyfriend was trying to soothe and talk me through it, but I ran and hid in our closet and when he walked in, I was so scared/angry/startled that I started to attack him before I calmed down. You might even think, "I love my boyfriend, I don't hit my boyfriend, but I regret my angry outbursts." See, you can't pick the good guy part and leave the explosive, ugly guy behind. If he ever slapped me in an argument I would leave him on the spot. I want to learn how to have the will to just walk away from the situation instead of blowing up at it. Does he need that much cool-down time? I hit my boyfriend for the first time about a year ago and we were engaged, long story short he ended up leaving me and about 9 months later he came back. Because of my Dad's affair, my Mom fell into a deep depression and was an alcoholic (she has since recovered) and so I spent most of my time alone, I am an only child. This may be true. Unfortunately, I feel like you've really hit on it here. It takes a lot of work, but if you have hit your boyfriend, there is a way to make things right. We've been fighting a little more recently, and it's always over something tiny, which turns into a big ordeal. That's a power/threat move. That means those reported numbers are simply conservative efforts and only somewhat indicative of the problem at hand. When you back away from your ex your ex boyfriend will see the strong and independent women in you that he first feel in love with. He gets right in my face calling me a bitch and telling me "I hate you!" I just feel so terrible about it. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. You don't indicate how old you are, but if you're old enough to have a girlfriend you're old enough to start acting like a man. She would be told that if he did it once, he'll do it again, and not to feel safe around him. I am seeing my therapist on Wednesday actually. In the meantime I'm trying not to get too down but I feel horrible and have no one to blame for my actions but myself. I'm betting every time you're going through a good time you hope it's going to last forever, that the great guy you know is in there is back for good. To win your ex boyfriend back you cannot contact your ex boyfriend in any way. Slapping someone is not an accident. My boyfriend kissed me goodbye (he said he was leaving early because he had work the next day, which was true.) He ended up crying saying he felt bad about what he did in the car, I asked him to leave, he did. There are many common instances where domestic violence occurs, either in boyfriend or girlfriends or husbands and wives. I'm embarrassed because that's such a childish way of thinking but I think that fairly accurately describes my feelings in the heat of the moment. Why is it so hard to just calm myself? They are not equal, they are better-than. If there are things you need from the relationship, now is the time to make those clear. Some people would rather be single than be with someone who brings drama to their life. What do you do when you hurt your boyfriend? Tell this guy you are done, it's over. Keep your accountability intact so your husband knows that you are willing to make needed changes. Or else, you find a bf who feels just like you about going solo - i.e. I want to be a better person, I want to never hit him or anyone else again for that matter. I've been together with my boyfriend for a little over a month (both 15) and im starting to think I am a lesbian. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. Think about it. Susan rang Jimmy to explain what had happened. This has been a huge issue for me as I'm relating it to abandonment and distrust in him. When we are clear-headed, violence seems like the furthest thing from our minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to. Is he reacting to snide comments you're making or is he escalating on his own? Anger management and therapy can help. Susan dispatched the letter Jimmy and decided not to bother him or have any contact with him at all for some time. Kartoff Ice queen This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. Long story short. I just feel extremely guilty and I never want that to happen again. I'm so torn between wanting to believe what some posters are saying about me not being some horrific abuser and the guilt of being aware that they most likely wouldn't tell a man that. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. And I should. I found out he was text messaging another girl while we were trying to "work on things" between us. And whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he seemed really just apathetic and nonchalant. Luckily, she isn't with that horrible man anymore. This is because emotions can run high when a breakup occurs. Far too many perpetrators think that the violence they have committed is okay, that they have not done anything wrong. Not "we need time apart" no, screw that. Feeling horrible. This slap doesn't have to be the end of your . You ever heard the saying that people always want what they cannot have. Block him. My boyfriend has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel weird about it? Please help me. Whether or not you mean to be violent becomes irrelevant as emotions take hold. Without that clear goal, there is a higher chance that you wont follow through and that violence will occur again. Your long term strategy needs to be to get out of that relationship. Try to do all of this feeling with curiosity rather than judgment. I'm actually in counseling to work on these things and I thought I was getting "better" and then when the opportunity to prove myself arose, I still lost all control and now I think I've lost him again and for good. Maybe you don't have anger issues overall, but clearly you do towards him. Anonymous (30-35) This past week my boyfriend has really made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply. He proceeds to grab my arm and drag me out of the car. Let me show you something that helped me get my ex back within 9 days flat. My boyfriend is a big teddy bear. So you shouldn't be with him. This is how abusive relationships almost always start, sweep you off your feet kind of thing - the best relationship, the best boyfriend ever. What do I do now? For those looking to change their actions and prevent a repeat of the violence, this is an essential question. Hopefully she'll get some help so it doesn't happen again and it sounds like she feels bad about it which is a good sign. That is definitely not the way to get your ex boyfriend back. Now I feel like I need to walk away from this relationship even if he does come back. I can't say if the relationship can be fixed or not because I can only base my advice off of what my reaction in the situation would be. People can feel betrayed or hurt, emotions escalate to unhealthy levels, and people do things they wish they had not. you put your hands on my first!" It is important to know what constitutes abuse, even those that are not direct acts of violence, and what you do not have to tolerate in a relationship. Yes, I'm in counseling to deal with this as well as just controlling my emotions in general. He has a very prideful personality and I'm worried I'm gunna lose him. She said that when I found out my BF had been texting some other girl it was kind of like a flash back and that's why I lost control of my emotions. Susan now had her work cut out to get her ex back, particularly as she had dumped Jimmy so unceremoniously.. There are huge signs that this is the case and you've suggested the same. Identifying the emotions that cause these violent outbursts plays an important key in ensuring that those violent tendencies do not light again. I wouldn't blame my boyfriend if he decided to. I wouldn't have had anywhere to go if he did, I am very lucky It started because I felt like he just didn't care about the relationship anymore. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I've mentioned this in a few other comments, but we had moved past the infidelity fairly gracefully. She said what had happened between them was all her fault and that she would never let it happen again. Even though I now have a small sense of understanding why things happened this way, it does not mean it's an excuse and I recognize this. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. 1. I guarantee you he'll be back. The numbers certainly support the notion that women are abused on a more consistent basis. Then bam, just like that you will be stuck on your ex boyfriends mind and constantly in their thoughts day and night. He broke up with me and wants nothing to do with me anymore. That's too old to lose control like that. And, once it has, you'll find peace with yourself, and clarity on what to do. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back a little reverse psychology may be what you need to win your ex boyfriend back. I would hope you'll see the light, block his number, move, do whatever you need to do to get out of his sites and move on. Abuse is trauma, and trauma impacts people in a large number of ways. As a woman, I wouldn't hit back my 4'9 female friend. 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